Joke Patch Notes

February 6

1. Dead Eye Mark- The stolen abilities now give boons for half a second longer
2. Vigor, because we like talking about vigor, we will give u some of it back from when we nerfed it but not a whole lot.
3. A random utility that no one uses. We will buff this utility but not to the point where it will be useful, keeping it useless.
4. A new utility has been added PECKER. Every time u shadow step u gain another shadow step, because we don't want u to go in and make great combos. We want u to peck>run> peck>run> peck>run.
5. Damage reduced on sword and dagger across the board by 20 percent.
6. Thief has been renamed Circus Acrobat. Circus Acrobat does not wear leather, and instead wears light/cloth.
7. We know you really like this one "invigorating perception." every dodge roll gain 15 precision. That's a game changer! (note the precision buff only lasts 2 seconds.)

Post your own patch notes for humor or what u think they will change if anything.

@"Cobrakon.3108" said:February 6

1. Dead Eye Mark- The stolen abilities now give boons for half a second longer
2. Vigor, because we like talking about vigor, we will give u some of it back from when we nerfed it but not a whole lot.
3. A random utility that no one uses. We will buff this utility but not to the point where it will be useful, keeping it useless.
4. A new utility has been added PECKER. Every time u shadow step u gain another shadow step, because we don't want u to go in and make great combos. We want u to peck>run> peck>run> peck>run.
5. Damage reduced on sword and dagger across the board by 20 percent.
6. Thief has been renamed Circus Acrobat. Circus Acrobat does not wear leather, and instead wears light/cloth.
7. We know you really like this one "invigorating perception." every dodge roll gain 15 precision. That's a game changer! (note the precision buff only lasts 2 seconds.)

Post your own patch notes for humor or what u think they will change if anything.

.......oh no.....

7. We know you really like this one "invigorating perception." every dodge roll gain 15 precision. That's a game changer! (note the precision buff only lasts 2 seconds.)

......................why......

7. We know you really like this one "invigorating perception." every dodge roll gain 15 precision. That's a game changer! (note the precision buff only lasts 2 seconds.)

...................................

knocks on Anet's door

but no seriously. no touching my life steal <.<(yes i'm aware this is a joke)

Thief autoattacks are buffed by 20% across all weapons. All other weapon skills 2-5 are reduced by 20% as balance to the improved autoattacks. We feel this will help encourage the use of spamming 1 more than 2-5 and give the thief class better incentive to saving initative for when you really need it.

Thief stealth completely reworked. stealth now damage thief 1000 dmg per second inside of stealth (to prevent annoying stealth stacking)

thief damage increased across all weapons by 50%, but if thief attack he self-hit around 750 dmg and your healing is reduced by 50% for 30 seconds

Increased thief HP pool by 1 HP

Thief is thief and stay as thief

Thief

So I guess the Major balance patch and Mesmer rework is coming up? Great. Ready your pitch fork and torches.

Thief nerfed by 50% on health, damage, endurance gain and crit chance so that terribly biased and scrubby holo mains will stop comparing it to their class.

I suggest people read the last sentence of the OP’s post.

• Stealing (in every form) grants you a police star debuff. Every star debuff increases the chance of random guards (e.g. peacemakers) to spawn by 15%.

  When caught, you end up in the prison. For every stack of malice, you gain another 25 years due to corrupt judges. You can not leave the cell. You have to delete your character by commiting suicide in the cell.

• We decided to remove stealth because other professions also have them but still cry a lot for your core mechanic and maybe the reason why you've chosen Thief, so we did the following change: Once in stealth, you are invisible forever. You literally vanished. This way, we want to discourage players from using it.

• Backstabbing now has a 95% chance of the enemy to turn around, take your daggers and crit you 3 times with your own dagger. People complained about no counter play, and we did carefully add this feature.

• Added trait GUILT. Every Death Judgement that would have been fired, your character refuses to fire and rather starts to cry for 180 seconds. This chance starts at a low rate of 80%. This trait can't be removed.

  Death's Judgement now also applies to you. You might, with a 30% chance, get hit by a inste-death lightning strike or your rifle jams and explodes, this will just hurt you for 98.75% of your current health and adds 12 stacks of bleeding.

• Unload actually unloads your pistols by ejecting both magazines. The time it takes for you to pick them up again is based on your initiave. Quite literally. This way, we thought we can add another interesting feature to the class and give the term "initiative" a broader meaning.

• If Initiave is fully spend, our character goes into a corner and sits there, doing nothing. Can only be helped by others to be couraged again.

• Merchants get the "Liquor Store" boon: Once a thief comes within 500 range, they pull out a rifle and blast you. Damage: 12,000. Crit chance: 285%.

@Ayrilana.1396 said:I suggest people read the last sentence of the OP’s post.

Is it normal nowadays not to read to the end? Man, the world's becoming weird.

Be careful they might take this down and ban you for posting this. I once got an infraction for making a post about how A-Net was taken over by Scourges and Mirages, and that the mirages were using their illusions to prevent us from learning the truth... I was told not to spread lies on the forums about A-Net. They don't have a sense of humor...

Edit: Here is the actual quote: "Posts created to cause unrest with unfounded claims are not allowed on the Guild Wars 2 forums."

You have been warned.

Joke balance patch eh?

Like useful and meaningful buffs for the profession?Like that will ever happen, ha!

@Ayrilana.1396 said:I suggest people read the last sentence of the OP’s post.

With the exception of arenta’s post and Leo’s unrelated post, I think most posters in this thread are well aware of that.

Thanks for clarifying though.....

@Lonewolf Kai.3682 said:

@Ayrilana.1396 said:I suggest people read the last sentence of the OP’s post.

i'm aware its a joke. hence the exaggerated response =/

Deadeye's Mark now completely reveals the thief for the entire duration.

Death's Judgements cast-time is increased by 3 seconds, because we felt 0.75 seconds was too short of a window. Summons a dancing monkey to circle the target for the cast-duration to ensure they get the message.

Increased the power of CnD.

Adds a new mechanic: Fumble. If you auto-attack for longer than 2 seconds, there's a chance your Thief might slip-up and drop their weapons, forcing the thief to retrieve their weapons which are flung in random directions within a 500 range radius.

If your Backstab is blocked or evaded, you automatically Fumble.

Changed the Exhaustion Mechanic: If the Thief tries to dodge while Exhausted, they trip on their own legs and gets knocked down for 5 seconds.

@arenta.2953 said:

@Lonewolf Kai.3682 said:

@Ayrilana.1396 said:I suggest people read the last sentence of the OP’s post.

Sorry m8. I thought it might’ve been exaggeration but wasn’t too sure. Almost didn’t include you in that reply.

@Lonewolf Kai.3682 said:

@arenta.2953 said:

@Lonewolf Kai.3682 said:

@Ayrilana.1396 said:I suggest people read the last sentence of the OP’s post.

i was looking for any reason to use that pic xD

@arenta.2953 said:

@Lonewolf Kai.3682 said:

@arenta.2953 said:

@Lonewolf Kai.3682 said:

@Ayrilana.1396 said:I suggest people read the last sentence of the OP’s post.

That was pretty sweet. >:)