Nightmare Salad - a humorous tale — Guild Wars 2 Forums

Nightmare Salad - a humorous tale

Tekoneiric.6817Tekoneiric.6817 Member ✭✭✭✭
edited June 28, 2019 in Community Creations

Here's a funny bit I wrote a week ago and posted elsewhere.


• Charr holding some food item deep fried on a stick.
• Sylvari meets charr and asks "What do you have there?"
• Charr: "Battered and deep fried choya pup on a stick. I got it from the choya vender over there." then starts to eat.
• Sylvari: "You do realize that is their young"
• Charr: "Sure, but it's just a plant. They can grow more."
• Sylvari: "I'm a plant!"
• Charr: "I know but I wouldn't eat you because you're my friend and we fight side by side. Besides it's not like I haven't eaten a sylvari before." taking the last bite and tossing the stick.
• Sylvari: "You've eaten a sylvari? WHEN?"
• Charr: "Umm, remember that Nightmare court guy I killed last week? I was hungry for a salad and it seemed wrong to let him go to waste.
• Sylvari: "I ATE SOME OF THAT SALAD! I KNEW THAT SYLVARI!"
• Charr: "What are you complaining about? You said it was a good salad."
• Sylvari: "That makes me a cannibal!"
• Charr: "That's on you, it's not like we ate charr. That would be disgusting!"

A few minutes later...

• A Norn walks up
• Norn: "What's wrong with him?"
• Charr: "Remember that patch of lettuce and other veggies we found last week? I told him that the salad we made from it was that Nightmare watch guy I killed; so now he thinks he's a cannibal."
• Norn: "Are you ever going to stop messing with that guy?"
• Charr: "I can't help it, he's such an easy target. Some people like more short-term practical jokes but I prefer those that have a more long term impact and make them question reality itself. Besides we charr have a reputation for certain fierce appetites that we have to maintain."
• Norn laughs hard then quietens down to avoid the sylvari from hearing.
• Charr: "I've been trying to find a way to drop this joke on him for days. Have you tried those batter fried eels that the choya vender is selling?"
• Norn: "No, are they good?"
• Charr: "Yes, they actually are but I told him it was a deep fried choya pup which helped me segway that joke in. A double whammy of sorts."
• Norn: "That's too funny! Your twisted!"
• Charr: "Go ask him if he wants a deep fried choya pup."
• The norn who's was hungry anyway goes to the vender and gets two batter fried eels and walks across the plaza to the sylvari.
• Norn: "Cheer up we'll be heading back home in a week. Here have a deep fried choya pup."
• Sylvari: "NO!" followed by a pause then he follows up with "I'm not hungry. umm, thanks anyway..."
• Norn: "No problem, more for me then." then starts to eat at the batter fried eels as the Sylvari continues to pout.

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