I feel like MMOs aren't your thing. In any MMO, there are objectives and each player must carry their weight to achieve those objectives.
Investing time to learn a class or join training for raids or fractals or wvw makes you a better player and there is a sense of contribution to what you loot or accomplish.
I don't think that is any elitist mindset, imagine if you buy a car and crash it the first day or leave it in the garage without driving, you don't get to enjoy driving.
There are plenty of great communities who are happy to take newbies in and train them.
I returned to the game in Feb 2020 and now have completed a lot raiding has to offer due to these communities.
Just play the MMO.