Playing as socially inept rude?

[lezbefriends.7516]

Some people blame casualization on dads, saying they shouldn’t be playing video games. Well, what about a socially inept person playing a social game? I have no social skills, which keeps me from using voice comms, as I feel I would just ruin everyone’s fun with my awkwardness and insecurities. What do you think? Is it the socially inept players’s fault if they don’t mesh with a social guild? Or should the guild be more understanding of abnormal human behavior?

[dobbeh.7382]

I think most guilds would be okay with it if you didn't use your mic. You'd just have to communicate that to them which I'm guessing could be challenging for you? That said, if they're not okay with it just, leave that guild and move on. No point worrying about people you probably wouldn't have gotten along with anyway. At the end of the day it's your choice.

[hugo.4705]

Understanding, I never use discord with my mic BUT I join the server to listen what the others are saying never got any issues; everyone is kind, they also know what it is, several mates do the same thing as me, listening, no speaking. I'm kinda special, I can play guitar in front of 100 hundred peeps or do a speech but I have disconfort speaking alone through phone or app or microphone...

Also what is dads? They play the game with their child? Missed the meaning of first sentence.

[Tiviana.2650]

@Mortifera.6138 said:Some people blame casualization on dads, saying they shouldn’t be playing video games. Well, what about a socially inept person playing a social game? I have no social skills, which keeps me from using voice comms, as I feel I would just ruin everyone’s fun with my awkwardness and insecurities. What do you think? Is it the socially inept players’s fault if they don’t mesh with a social guild? Or should the guild be more understanding of abnormal human behavior?

This game uses voice more than wow ever did i was a little taken aback at first. I dont think you have to join voice unless its a wvw /raid thing op. Then all you have to do is listen to call outs from the leader. I dont like talking in discord either unless its my raid night, people in my guilds are on discord all the time, but i prefer to not have to open a voice program to shoot the bull ya know. Its not that im socially awkward its just my throat gets hoarse after a day at work on the phone and talking to clients, i rather take my evening time to rest my voice.

[Danikat.8537]

I almost never use voice chat programs, even to listen to what other people are saying. My PC is in the main room of my house and it's usually noisy. Most of the time I can't and don't want to shut myself off from that to hear what people are saying on voice chat. (I rarely have the sound on in-game for the same reason.)

If I'm looking for a guild or someone invites me to join one that's one of the things I always tell them - I will not be on voice chat except for very rare exceptional circumstances and I need advanced notice to do that. I've had guilds turn me down because of that and I've left others because the recruiter told me voice chat wasn't required but actually no one ever used the in-game chat (in one guild I thought everyone was ignoring me, then found out if I typed a question into chat they'd answer via voice chat, which of course I never heard). But that's ok, I can only be in 5 guilds anyway.

So I'd say it's the responsibility of both 'sides' to come to an agreement, which might mean agreeing not to play together. If you know you're never going to use voice chat don't join a guild or other group which requires it, but equally if they tell you that's ok and you won't need it they need to use text chat so you can join in.

[Naxos.2503]

Rude would be Something you intentionally do to cause discomfort, if you're not feeling like socializing to the level of others, that's not rude, that's your boundary. Nobody can be faulted for sticking to their boundaries. If someone calls you out on it, that person is expecting more socialization than you're willing to give, and you should seek people who either dont mind how social you are, or people with the same boundaries

[Khisanth.2948]

Voice comm is often for listening except for the person who is leading/giving out instructions so the issue you raised is pretty much irrelevant.

If on the other hand you are a person who simply refuses to follow instructions when doing some sort of coordinated group activity then that is a whole different can of worms and no, neither guilds nor anyone else need to be more accepting of that because why should anyone accept people who refuses to cooperate when doing an organized group activity?

[Gop.8713]

As others have said, refusing to use a mic shouldn't be an issue, though refusing to listen could be . . .

If you're saying you are in a guild that requires their members to speak on mic and you don't want to and you're asking who should change, I'd say expecting everyone else to change for you is seldom a recipe for success in any situation. You'd probably be better off making the change yourself, either by altering what you are willing to do or finding ppl who don't require behaviors you are uncomfortable with. Remember a guild is a voluntary association on both sides . . .

[jbrother.1340]

@"Mortifera.6138" said:Some people blame casualization on dads, saying they shouldn’t be playing video games. Well, what about a socially inept person playing a social game? I have no social skills, which keeps me from using voice comms, as I feel I would just ruin everyone’s fun with my awkwardness and insecurities. What do you think? Is it the socially inept players’s fault if they don’t mesh with a social guild? Or should the guild be more understanding of abnormal human behavior?

Why does it have to be a matter of "blame"?

You would only be at fault here for something if you choose not to try and grow as you live. At least speaking for me I would never blame you for ruining anything because you are shy or awkward. There are many reasons you might be that way that are not your fault and not within your control as you were raised. However if you are an adult and recognize this about yourself you have an opportunity here.

You could use this socialization to grow. Maybe not all the time but start slowly using voice comm. Try and find a group of people that are mature and won't just you for these things and allow you room to grow. I know that is not always an easy prospect but just making the effort might start changing how you feel.

and the idea that "dad's" should or should not do something does not seem appropriate. Who are we to say how another person should act within the acceptable norms for being a parent. You know things like NOT beating your children or being abusive of them. Things like being there for them and playing games could be something that is used to connect with them, better understand them and thus be in a better position to guide them into adulthood.

I think avoiding the mindset that fault is needed here would greatly assist you as well. Do not expect people to be understanding. No stranger owes you anything. You might find though that there are many players out there that will be understanding of you. You just don't have a right to expect it. It would be honorable thought if they could accept you as you are now, not as they would like you to be.

worry less about what others think of you, I know it is hard sometimes. Your opinion of yourself is the thing you should work on first.

[Tekoneiric.6817]

@Mortifera.6138 said:Some people blame casualization on dads, saying they shouldn’t be playing video games. Well, what about a socially inept person playing a social game? I have no social skills, which keeps me from using voice comms, as I feel I would just ruin everyone’s fun with my awkwardness and insecurities. What do you think? Is it the socially inept players’s fault if they don’t mesh with a social guild? Or should the guild be more understanding of abnormal human behavior?

I never use voice programs with games because I just don't like the sound of my own voice... which is ironic since my job requires me to talk a lot.

[Tinker.6924]

There's a big difference between "socially inept" (and I really don't like that phrase) and toxic. A person who chooses to refrain from social interactions is way better for the community than a person who chooses to engage it with rude, toxic behavior.

[Hashberry.4510]

Voice chat just takes me way out of the game. Never going to use it again, listened to too many sniggering kids back in the day.

[Illconceived Was Na.9781]

I don't use a mic and it hasn't stopped me from participating in group content. I do join discord and, if needed, use (muted) headphones so I can hear people. I'm content with typing. And while some many people tease me occasionally incessantly about it, I've only met two people who actually weren't willing to accommodate this quirk of mine.

It's definitely easier on my colleagues when they don't have to type, so my primary reason for listening is to respect their preferences. (Likewise gamers generally accept my preference for going mic-less.)

Use voice or don't. Use a mic or not. The choice is yours. If you state your intent with confidence, then anyone important to your gaming is going to accept your preference.

PS I do not attempt to justify my choice to never use a microphone; it's a preference, like not eating pomegranate, so it doesn't need a reason.

PPS there are ways to turn your typing into speech that the computer reads aloud. Just about all software has a provision for it (except TeamSpeak for some reason), although in some its native (e.g. Mumble) and some it's really a pain to set up and use (e.g Discord)

[Kaltyn of Torbins Deep.294]

@"Illconceived Was Na.9781" said:I don't use a mic and it hasn't stopped me from participating in group content. I do join discord and, if needed, use (muted) headphones so I can hear people. I'm content with typing. And while some many people tease me occasionally incessantly about it, I've only met two people who actually weren't willing to accommodate this quirk of mine.

It's definitely easier on my colleagues when they don't have to type, so my primary reason for listening is to respect their preferences. (Likewise gamers generally accept my preference for going mic-less.)

Use voice or don't. Use a mic or not. The choice is yours. If you state your intent with confidence, then anyone important to your gaming is going to accept your preference.

PS I do not attempt to justify my choice to never use a microphone; it's a preference, like not eating pomegranate, so it doesn't need a reason.

PPS there are ways to turn your typing into speech that the computer reads allowed. Just about all software has a provision for it (except TeamSpeak for some reason), although in some its native (e.g. Mumble) and some it's really a pain to set up and use (e.g Discord)

"...like not eating pomegranate..."

GAAAAAAAH! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!!!! I DON'T EVEN KNOW YOU ANYMORE!!!

(This is a joke and is meant to generate laughter)

[Majosea.2487]

I am extraordinarily introverted in groups of people, be it in real life or in groups online. Participating in group activities is very hard for me, but I try. I still can't bring myself to use a Voice app, so I just type away. If I am required to use a voice app, I politely excuse myself from the activity. I know it is mostly in my head, but it is just the way I'm wired. If people think I am rude for not talking or chatting, that is their problem , not mine. I play the game to please me.

[Illconceived Was Na.9781]

@"Kaltyn of Torbins Deep.2946" said:GAAAAAAAH! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!!!! I DON'T EVEN KNOW YOU ANYMORE!!!

(This is a joke and is meant to generate laughter)

(It was funny and laughter was heard at this end of the internet... although not via a microphone. ;) )

[Psientist.6437]

@"Kaltyn of Torbins Deep.2946" said:

(This is a joke and is meant to generate laughter)

Which is something only the most socially sophisticated people say.

(this is a joke and is meant to generate laughter)

OP. It is not rude to avoid talking with other players. In fact, putting yourself in a position where you are stressed may lead to you being rude. My go to excuse, at least when I made the effort to belong to a guild, was that wearing headphones gave me earaches. Obviously, I wanted to hear everything everyone had to say but my delicate ears kept me from listening. The time you spend in Tyria is yours, you do not owe us anything.

[Illconceived Was Na.9781]

@Psientist.6437 said:The time you spend in Tyria is yours, you do not owe us anything.

Sage advice.

[Bloodstealer.5978]

@Tiviana.2650 said:

@Mortifera.6138 said:Some people blame casualization on dads, saying they shouldn’t be playing video games. Well, what about a socially inept person playing a social game? I have no social skills, which keeps me from using voice comms, as I feel I would just ruin everyone’s fun with my awkwardness and insecurities. What do you think? Is it the socially inept players’s fault if they don’t mesh with a social guild? Or should the guild be more understanding of abnormal human behavior?

This game uses voice more than wow ever did i was a little taken aback at first. I dont think you have to join voice unless its a wvw /raid thing op. Then all you have to do is listen to call outs from the leader. I dont like talking in discord either unless its my raid night, people in my guilds are on discord all the time, but i prefer to not have to open a voice program to shoot the bull ya know. Its not that im socially awkward its just my throat gets hoarse after a day at work on the phone and talking to clients, i rather take my evening time to rest my voice.

You don't have to join voice fullstop.... but it can help in some areas for sure. That does not mean you have to chirp in you can merely listen and follow.The thread tbh is kind of pointless imo because as I said no one can make you join a TS or a Discord channel it's just optional and if you do then the OP can still be as unsociable as he/she likes without actually saying a word that might disrupt the fun of others.Tbh though outside of my own guild Discord I tend to tire of listening to much of the Wvw chat channels act as most ultimately end up full of smack talk, sexual innuendos and such, so I tend to take the headset off and let the rest squabble and whine amongst themselves.

[daisyk.4523]

i never use my mic, that doesn't mean you can't join in things and listen?

sadsociallyineptlyfe tho, i feel ya :'( IT'S HAARD not being on voice sometimes, especially if you're learning, although i don't think it makes you a liability

i've never had anybody say "YOU MUST HAVE YOUR MIC ON"

and plus, people have their mics off for other reasons; too much background noise, or no mic at all, etc

socializing (especially in voice) in this game to me is optional, rather than mandatory

[Tukaram.8256]

@hugo.4705 said:

Also what is dads? They play the game with their child? Missed the meaning of first sentence.

I did not understand that at all either.

[Vayne.8563]

@Tiviana.2650 said:

@Mortifera.6138 said:Some people blame casualization on dads, saying they shouldn’t be playing video games. Well, what about a socially inept person playing a social game? I have no social skills, which keeps me from using voice comms, as I feel I would just ruin everyone’s fun with my awkwardness and insecurities. What do you think? Is it the socially inept players’s fault if they don’t mesh with a social guild? Or should the guild be more understanding of abnormal human behavior?

This game uses voice more than wow ever did i was a little taken aback at first. I dont think you have to join voice unless its a wvw /raid thing op. Then all you have to do is listen to call outs from the leader. I dont like talking in discord either unless its my raid night, people in my guilds are on discord all the time, but i prefer to not have to open a voice program to shoot the bull ya know. Its not that im socially awkward its just my throat gets hoarse after a day at work on the phone and talking to clients, i rather take my evening time to rest my voice.

Possibly because WoW has both a global cooldown and it's not active combat. It's easier to type in WOW than play than here, particularly in end game content. At least I'm able to type in WoW but not here.

[Vayne.8563]

I don't insist that people join in voice, but it is far easier for me if people join in voice. The benefit of being in voice with me is that if you don't want to talk you wpn't get the chance anyway. I'm sure someone in this thread can back that up. lol

[Odinens.5920]

Voice is only really required (in most situations) for organized WvW raids, or PvE raids, and even then it's usually only required so you can hear commands. I've never heard of anyone requiring people to have a working mic. Now, I'm guessing you aren't SO socially inept you can't even just listen.

Who knows, you may even get to a point after a while that you feel comfortable actually joining in conversations, and making friends with like-minded individuals. You are, after all, playing the same game, so you at least have that in common :)

[sorudo.9054]

i rather listen to nice music than screeching kids not getting their way, if ppl requite me to have a mic then it's more their loss then mine.