what if the races of Tyria had a rap battle? Warning! not for the faint of heart!

Straight Outta Tyria

By Sin of Anubis

6 years running 6 years gunning6 years betcha never saw this comingStraight outta queensdale, city I call home6 long years i've been defending the throneof queen jennah, yeah QJ you know i got your backIt all started when those 4 leggers went on the attackterrorized people running for their livesinnocent children forced to run and hideand Old man logan knew deep down insideweren't enough Seraph able to keep this town aliveso he put out the word to get some help from the hoodand wouldn't you know it there i stoodsix-gun in my hands and my Guild at my sideI told em "saddle up TBC, yo it's time to riderolled into the garrison weavin side to sideslid into formation threw the dice and let em ridecentaurs forcing, hot blood coarsin hail of bullets cominyou better start running!Ulgoth's hobblin the arrows are lobblinBig arms come out and the Elemental's startlingwe fan out and take those big hands downone by damn one we bring those big hands to the groundLogan thanks us Calls us the hero of shaemoorwe didn't just Enter Tyria we kicked down the door!From this point onward TBC is in the zoneTo the next threat coming don't you dare to take our homehere's a tip turn around don't come back till you've grownor the next ___we kick just might be your own!

(hold up, you just can't come walkin into our world thinking you run the place, humanwe've been OGT long since you were even thought of, let me show ya how it's done)

Hail to the Legions Blood Iron and Ashe,Hope you pardon me Ima whoop a human's ____been doin it for years now even when they deadeven got a ghost human buddy named Fredand Fred's a nice human, cause he's 6 feet underonly he don't know it yet yeah that's a Foefire BlunderYasee we ran this place for years from one side to the othertill these humans came in tried to rip us asunderthrew everything they had and even built a wallya think some brick's gonna stop us? It's only 30 feet tall!Shoddy built shotty's ready OGT's comin heavySearing Cauldron cooked up "time to Bake me a freddy"Straight outta Ascalon, yeah we had ya boys runningeven caught your mouse till she had a little fun andtook offand while all that was happninFofire dropped and forced all of us back againcursed the ground we roll on ghosts pouring from the ground againyou think you had problems two legs, you better think againBlood legion front line hacking and slashingAshe Legion Midline stabbing and BashingIron legion back line back line clanging and bangingand yetthese human ghost fools just keep on hanginRylock calls us up we gotta stop barradintake his whole mess out make Ascalon Great againOGT and we know how it goes downrun right into the crypt and take hig ghost ass outHero of shaemoor? Please ! You're the hero of slackingso here's a 5 slot bag, cub you best go get packingand while you're at it take that traitor Logan with youThe cubs in the Farahar know more combat than he doBut i guess with 2 legs you both won't get that farhell you need a minimap to let you know where you even arecome on stop playin put the mic down superstarwe all know you can't even outrun a centaur!

(now now everyone calm down it's getting out of hand! By the great Alchemy this battle has to come to a conclusion, or in your case, a bitter end! Excelsior!)

Now well before the two of you Bookah's started BattlingI caculated the outcome of this and by now you should be rattlingDue to the fear that has arrrived in your blood shot silly eyesyou are about to be defeated by someone 2 times smaller in sizeAsura Master Race! Even the haters are screaming itOur intellectual power is designed for spitting quickBut i digress what a mess you're not the best sit down both of you take a restNot even the Skritt are capable of stepping up when we begin to testHowever due to the nature of your races inability to decompressI will have to slow down in order for you to understand we're not impressedIt's all in the math you seeIt says so in the Alchemyif you want the Best Outcome to beYou're going to have to leave it to MEthat's right I saidleave it to AsuraGot you're tounges on the florakick your bottoms out the doraand you can't come back to bother usthe waypoints are all controlled by usthe gates are all owned under usand before you get mad and start to cussAllow us to throw you under a bus!We were underground watching and waiting and plotting and planning and living and loving and don't forget we were expanding and then you had to do it you woke him up and blew it you had a nice peaceful world until the Great Destroyer woke and you bastards knew it! we got chased out of our homes and out of our minds and we had to go we were fresh out of time and we needed an armybut NAHyou had something else on your mindyou asked for a giant and their friends to help youthey said norn need to army so basically __ youso instead in another of your crazy schemes,you get a cat a giant a midget and make a teamand then what did you do? You failed and then called MEWe figured it all out made the Destroyer bow downmoved up topside and made you look like a bunch of clownsand now we are here taking over your small worldstraight outta Metrica that's right don't get your panties curledup in a bunch because we know exactly what to dotake that weird little incident with our Golem Mark 2or was it 4 i can't seem to get them straight oh well what did we do?Inquest was making the thing go crazy madnow those idiots you can have them their inventions are just badthey have no insight no clear picture not one original thoughtthey steal everything make it theirs it wasn't built it was bought!So i digress this golem was pitching a serious fit,probably because of all of the wrong parameters they hitand now the others are going nuts and you see how it is?You fight ghosts and horses we have to put down our own kids!And yes i mean the golems we aren't savages like yousticking your children in war camps to make them fight like youor having them run amok in DR begging for something to doOur real kids Just ask taimi would beat the hell outta youthen make you ask yourself how this could ever happenBut i am getting off subject see what you dragged me in?I stopped the golems and Gave the Inquest a very Bad daySnaff Savant ___s y'all better make waywhat's that you say?You wanna play?How bout today?Oh what, you cant stay?Then don't delay there's waypoint fees to payBut make sure you put the cat out okay?I think it has fleas and you may want to spayI'm done!

(okay who let the rat out of his little cage? And as for the kitten put that thing away before it harms someone!)By the bear you all must be joking or was it the sylvari leftovers you were smoking?Wolf give me the strength these 3 should be in jail!It's criminal of you to spread all these tall talesand I wish i could believe you but there isn't enough AleYou see I am Norn the strongest in all the landBut you tried Fam you really did so I'll give you a handOr maybe the finger because you don't deserve the restLet me lay it down for you all I am the best!Skallds sing of the legends i have made trueand who else has a skalld? Oh yeah none of you!But Let's be real here I'm here but not aloneI have the spirits of the wild on speed dialdo you even have a phone?I was a legend the moment i was born!I even have proof of that called Romke's Horn!Passed down from one norn to the nextthis Horn signifies who is the bestand it's mine but wait that's not allwho else here can say that they have a Great Hall?Big Norn flossin Big Norn FlexinWalk in Whoop ass leave em all guessinbut no I guess I need to tell you the whole thingyour puny sized weapons couldn't make me a toe ringI took down Issomir when the bell went ding dingand now look at me rocking all this Bling Blingall you do is cling clingall you do is sing singcannot do a damn thingcause i am the real thingStraight outta Wayfarer foothills my dudeAnd with all due respect i don't mean to be rudeWe were bustin on Dragons before ANY of you!Jormag Primy and Kralkatorrik too!And don't think Bubbles is gonna have the night offcause we'll knight ride that fish like we are David Hasselhoffand yeah i know Mordy blah blah whatever playaYou all know who's on top THIS dragon slayerlook at all 3 of you why are you still here?Give the rat some cheese before it bites me in the rear!Hand the cat some milk and take sohothin backgive it to the human before it has a heart attackYou fight each other like you have no damn senseso here's a paint brush for all 3 of you go paint me a fenceyou're grounded all 3 of you now go to your room!Little kids playing cowboys you can't even beat DHUUM!Now leave me before i squish you all like a grapeand leave each other alone before Tyria's sake!

(that was the weakest silliest thing i have ever heard, overgrown human-person, now relax and Allow me to put to rest the conversation, okay? Cherry!)

I'm a plant boy, standing in my plantboy stance
you better give me the microphone before i s____in my pantsall of your whining it's the language you're deludedSylvari's got the mic and i am still undisputed25 years and many more to goI may be the new kid but i'm about to steal the showFought a dragon straight up while i was sleepineven in the Dream i was better than you creeps andthen i awoke and all of this is brand new to mea whole new world to seethen all of you started hating methought that i was mordy's seedeven though i beg and pleadno i'm not the one you need"does he bleed?"of course! But no not the color greenstood up on my own again tried to make you my friend stabbed me in the back you did and threw me away without the lidtold you i was T4L tried to put me in a jail tried to send me straight to hell you even called me E-V-I-LBut that was then and this is now the words are done the guns are out time for you to take a bow you did your part my time isNOWBut that was the past and this is the present dayFear not this night Because Sylvari is here to staycause I'm straight outta CaledonThe only true Dapper Donthe one and only PaladonSo you better Get Gone and then better stay goneand get off the ship i'm on cause you're no longer cool fonzyou're messing with THE ONEthe lyrical tommy gunand while this really was funIt's time to go home sonyou know that a plant wonTyria needs me so I'm done!