what if the races of Tyria had a rap battle? Warning! not for the faint of heart! — Guild Wars 2 Forums

what if the races of Tyria had a rap battle? Warning! not for the faint of heart!

Straight Outta Tyria

By Sin of Anubis

6 years running 6 years gunning
6 years betcha never saw this coming
Straight outta queensdale, city I call home
6 long years i've been defending the throne
of queen jennah, yeah QJ you know i got your back
It all started when those 4 leggers went on the attack
terrorized people running for their lives
innocent children forced to run and hide
and Old man logan knew deep down inside
weren't enough Seraph able to keep this town alive
so he put out the word to get some help from the hood
and wouldn't you know it there i stood
six-gun in my hands and my Guild at my side
I told em "saddle up TBC, yo it's time to ride
rolled into the garrison weavin side to side
slid into formation threw the dice and let em ride
centaurs forcing, hot blood coarsin hail of bullets comin
you better start running!
Ulgoth's hobblin the arrows are lobblin
Big arms come out and the Elemental's startling
we fan out and take those big hands down
one by kitten one we bring those big hands to the ground
Logan thanks us Calls us the hero of shaemoor
we didn't just Enter Tyria we kicked down the door!
From this point onward TBC is in the zone
To the next threat coming don't you dare to take our home
here's a tip turn around don't come back till you've grown
or the next ___we kick just might be your own!

(hold up, you just can't come walkin into our world thinking you run the place, human
we've been OGT long since you were even thought of, let me show ya how it's done)

Hail to the Legions Blood Iron and Ashe,
Hope you pardon me Ima whoop a human's ____
been doin it for years now even when they dead
even got a ghost human buddy named Fred
and Fred's a nice human, cause he's 6 feet under
only he don't know it yet yeah that's a Foefire Blunder
Yasee we ran this place for years from one side to the other
till these humans came in tried to rip us asunder
threw everything they had and even built a wall
ya think some brick's gonna stop us? It's only 30 feet tall!
Shoddy built shotty's ready OGT's comin heavy
Searing Cauldron cooked up "time to Bake me a freddy"
Straight outta Ascalon, yeah we had ya boys running
even caught your mouse till she had a little fun and
took off
and while all that was happnin
Fofire dropped and forced all of us back again
cursed the ground we roll on ghosts pouring from the ground again
you think you had problems two legs, you better think again
Blood legion front line hacking and slashing
Ashe Legion Midline stabbing and Bashing
Iron legion back line back line clanging and banging
and yetthese human ghost fools just keep on hangin
Rylock calls us up we gotta stop barradin
take his whole mess out make Ascalon Great again
OGT and we know how it goes down
run right into the crypt and take hig ghost kitten out
Hero of shaemoor? Please ! You're the hero of slacking
so here's a 5 slot bag, cub you best go get packing
and while you're at it take that traitor Logan with you
The cubs in the Farahar know more combat than he do
But i guess with 2 legs you both won't get that far
hell you need a minimap to let you know where you even are
come on stop playin put the mic down superstar
we all know you can't even outrun a centaur!

(now now everyone calm down it's getting out of hand! By the great Alchemy this battle has to come to a conclusion, or in your case, a bitter end! Excelsior!)

Now well before the two of you Bookah's started Battling
I caculated the outcome of this and by now you should be rattling
Due to the fear that has arrrived in your blood shot silly eyes
you are about to be defeated by someone 2 times smaller in size
Asura Master Race! Even the haters are screaming it
Our intellectual power is designed for spitting quick
But i digress what a mess you're not the best sit down both of you take a rest
Not even the Skritt are capable of stepping up when we begin to test
However due to the nature of your races inability to decompress
I will have to slow down in order for you to understand we're not impressed
It's all in the math you see
It says so in the Alchemy
if you want the Best Outcome to be
You're going to have to leave it to ME
that's right I said
leave it to Asura
Got you're tounges on the flora
kick your bottoms out the dora
and you can't come back to bother us
the waypoints are all controlled by us
the gates are all owned under us
and before you get mad and start to cuss
Allow us to throw you under a bus!
We were underground watching and waiting and plotting and planning and living and loving and don't forget we were expanding and then you had to do it you woke him up and blew it you had a nice peaceful world until the Great Destroyer woke and you bastards knew it! we got chased out of our homes and out of our minds and we had to go we were fresh out of time and we needed an army
but NAH
you had something else on your mind
you asked for a giant and their friends to help you
they said norn need to army so basically ____ you
so instead in another of your crazy schemes,
you get a cat a giant a midget and make a team
and then what did you do? You failed and then called ME
We figured it all out made the Destroyer bow down
moved up topside and made you look like a bunch of clowns
and now we are here taking over your small world
straight outta Metrica that's right don't get your panties curled
up in a bunch because we know exactly what to do
take that weird little incident with our Golem Mark 2
or was it 4 i can't seem to get them straight oh well what did we do?
Inquest was making the thing go crazy mad
now those idiots you can have them their inventions are just bad
they have no insight no clear picture not one original thought
they steal everything make it theirs it wasn't built it was bought!
So i digress this golem was pitching a serious fit,
probably because of all of the wrong parameters they hit
and now the others are going nuts and you see how it is?
You fight ghosts and horses we have to put down our own kids!
And yes i mean the golems we aren't savages like you
sticking your children in war camps to make them fight like you
or having them run amok in DR begging for something to do
Our real kids Just ask taimi would beat the hell outta you
then make you ask yourself how this could ever happen
But i am getting off subject see what you dragged me in?
I stopped the golems and Gave the Inquest a very Bad day
Snaff Savant _____s y'all better make way
what's that you say?You wanna play?
How bout today?Oh what, you cant stay?
Then don't delay there's waypoint fees to pay
But make sure you put the cat out okay?
I think it has fleas and you may want to spay
I'm done!

(okay who let the rat out of his little cage? And as for the kitten put that thing away before it harms someone!)
By the bear you all must be joking or was it the sylvari leftovers you were smoking?
Wolf give me the strength these 3 should be in jail!
It's criminal of you to spread all these tall tales
and I wish i could believe you but there isn't enough Ale
You see I am Norn the strongest in all the land
But you tried Fam you really did so I'll give you a hand
Or maybe the finger because you don't deserve the rest
Let me lay it down for you all I am the best!
Skallds sing of the legends i have made true
and who else has a skalld? Oh yeah none of you!
But Let's be real here I'm here but not alone
I have the spirits of the wild on speed dial
do you even have a phone?
I was a legend the moment i was born!
I even have proof of that called Romke's Horn!
Passed down from one norn to the next
this Horn signifies who is the best
and it's mine but wait that's not all
who else here can say that they have a Great Hall?
Big Norn flossin Big Norn Flexin
Walk in Whoop kitten leave em all guessin
but no I guess I need to tell you the whole thing
your puny sized weapons couldn't make me a toe ring
I took down Issomir when the bell went ding ding
and now look at me rocking all this Bling Bling
all you do is cling cling
all you do is sing sing
cannot do a kitten thing
cause i am the real thing
Straight outta Wayfarer foothills my dude
And with all due respect i don't mean to be rude
We were bustin on Dragons before ANY of you!
Jormag Primy and Kralkatorrik too!
And don't think Bubbles is gonna have the night off
cause we'll knight ride that fish like we are David Hasselhoff
and yeah i know Mordy blah blah whatever playa
You all know who's on top THIS dragon slayer
look at all 3 of you why are you still here?
Give the rat some cheese before it bites me in the rear!
Hand the cat some milk and take sohothin back
give it to the human before it has a heart attack
You fight each other like you have no kitten sense
so here's a paint brush for all 3 of you go paint me a fence
you're grounded all 3 of you now go to your room!
Little kids playing cowboys you can't even beat DHUUM!
Now leave me before i squish you all like a grape
and leave each other alone before Tyria's sake!

(that was the weakest silliest thing i have ever heard, overgrown human-person, now relax and Allow me to put to rest the conversation, okay? Cherry!)

I'm a plant boy, standing in my plantboy stance
you better give me the microphone before i s____in my pants
all of your whining it's the language you're deluded
Sylvari's got the mic and i am still undisputed
25 years and many more to go
I may be the new kid but i'm about to steal the show
Fought a dragon straight up while i was sleepin
even in the Dream i was better than you creeps and
then i awoke and all of this is brand new to me
a whole new world to see
then all of you started hating me
thought that i was mordy's seed
even though i beg and plead
no i'm not the one you need
"does he bleed?"
of course! But no not the color green
stood up on my own again tried to make you my friend stabbed me in the back you did and threw me away without the lid
told you i was T4L tried to put me in a jail tried to send me straight to hell you even called me E-V-I-L
But that was then and this is now the words are done the guns are out time for you to take a bow you did your part my time is
But that was the past and this is the present day
Fear not this night Because Sylvari is here to stay
cause I'm straight outta Caledon
The only true Dapper Don
the one and only Paladon
So you better Get Gone and then better stay gone
and get off the ship i'm on cause you're no longer cool fonz
you're messing with THE ONE
the lyrical tommy gun
and while this really was fun
It's time to go home son
you know that a plant won
Tyria needs me so I'm done!

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