Thank you all for your replies. I was worried what I was saying would be taken as hyperbole and I wouldn't get any serious answers.
I switched one of my skills to Lightning Reflexes. I didn't even notice that Serpent's Strike now has a forward leap. I'll miss sidewinding, but having at least the back-and-forth movement back helps with the stuck in tar feel. I'll definitely need practice to make it work, though.
I haven't considered switching to dagger, as I play Untamed (there are several parts of it that almost seem tailor made for my main) and was happy with my sword when I played SoulBeast, but I'll definitely try that out once the expansion is out. Kind of happy the only legendary I have so far is Frost Fang now. Literally none of my other characters use one handed swords, and my progress on a legendary sword is thankfully laughable.
As for DPS and whatever, I genuinely couldn't care less about numbers if I'm not having fun. What is the point of playing a game if you are not enjoying yourself? Also, considering how often Arena Net nerfs what seems like perfectly good numbers, I wouldn't trust the current stats if my life depended on it.
Either way, thank you all so much for the help. I use this game to unwind after hard work days and it would have been a shame to walk away just because of a weapon change. I would still switch to the old sword in a heartbeat, but with some of the old movement restored I can at least do basic combat without getting frustrated. Thank you.