Guild Wars 2 Ruined My Marriage...

[Aaricia.9758]

...and I am entirely grateful.

I'm going to share my story now because it's been pulling at my heartstrings for awhile and maybe someone out there can benefit from my experience. I must warn you, I will speak about abuse and I will briefly touch on my struggle with suicide ideation. I don't share all the intimate details because I don't want to make this too heavy but if such topics are troublesome for you, I kindly and respectfully advise you not to read on. 

Back in 2006 I married my High School sweetheart, a man I had been dating for two years and who had been my friend for two years prior to our dating. I thought he was going to be the man I loved until I was old and wrinkly, but shortly after we married things went from rainbows and sparkles to storm clouds and downpours. He had joined the military and I was whisked away from my childhood home, from the only world I'd ever known and was plopped down 600 miles away from my family and friends. I don't know what happened to him, but he went from being so sweet and kind to controlling and abusive within the first 3 months of our marriage vows.

I was not permitted to call my friends, I could not speak to my family without him being present in the room, I was not to leave our home without his permission and if I failed to return by his appointed curfew there were consequences. Now, keep in mind that I was barely 18 when we married. I was young, dumb, and easily manipulated into believing that everything wrong in our marriage was my fault and that everything would return to rainbows if I could only learn to behave myself. Love makes you a fool and I was the biggest one by far.

Prior to our marriage, I had started playing Guild Wars and I was allowed to continue playing after we married. In Guild Wars I had created a guild and befriended many people during my adventures through Tyria. I had one friend in particular, Sugr, who was online religiously and always available to talk. She was much older than myself, so I came to view her as a mother since I wasn't allowed to speak to my own. I don't know if she ever understood how vital she was to my emotional wellbeing or how many times she kept me from caving to the suicidal daydreams I often had, but I'm entirely thankful to her for being a steady constant in my rather turbulent life.

Anyways, some years passed and my relationship with my husband worsened. No matter what I changed (example: he thought I was too fat, so I could only eat when he ate and I couldn't go to bed until I did my nightly exercises), no matter what I gave up (example: he disliked the music I liked, so I had to stop listening to it entirely), no matter what I altered about myself (example: he thought my laugh was obnoxious, so I altered my laugh)---he was displeased with me. He would often threaten me with divorce to pressure me into giving up things I was more adamant about holding on to and every time he used the Divorce Card on me, I would relent.

That is until late 2011.

You see, around early 2011 the Guild Wars 2 hype was pumping in the gaming community so much so that I had actually created a new GW2 guild in preparation for the upcoming release (I was high on hopium and thought the game would release the end of 2011). My guild already had just under 100 members and our community Enjin website (remember Enjin?) was getting several hundred unique hits a day. At the same time my husband's own website was barely getting a dozen hits and this became a problem for him, but he couldn't blame his pride for what was about to come. Instead, he looked for faults within my community to point at as his reasoning and he thought he found a good one. He accused me of being unfaithful because a guild mate remarked that I was pretty and that my husband was lucky to have married me. He demanded that I either give up my guild or shut it down completely because having a man remark on my attractiveness was the same as cheating. When I promptly declined he used his divorce trump card.

Now, some may wonder why I never took him up on his threats before and I'll tell you why: I am very old school. I believe that marriage is meant to last a lifetime and that the vows we took on our wedding day should not be tossed to the side easily. I was willing to put up with everything because I honestly, earnestly, and foolishly believed that by honoring our vows that he would one day realize how much I loved him and he would return to being the kind man I had fallen in love with. Also, I was still young and dumb.

When he told me it was either the guild or him, I suddenly woke up to the truth. All this time I had been waiting for him to wake up, for his eyes to open and see that I loved him and that our marriage was worth protecting---but when he put a target on the only group of people who had been with me through every low point of my life for the past 5 years, I woke up. I realized that this man would never love me and that the marriage we had entered into was completely one-sided. So, I took his offer and he could not believe that I would choose "internet friends" over him.

By August 25th, 2012, when Guild Wars 2 released, I was single and back home surrounded by my friends, family, and running through Tyria with my guildmates.

I can say that Guild Wars literally saved my life, as it was the only connection I had to any form of support. Without it, I know I would have caved to my suicidal ideation.

Many things have happened between the release date and today, I'm no longer with the same guild as before but a piece of my heart will always belong to the Unlikely Heroes of Yesterday [UHOY] of Guild Wars 1 and to Deadly Betties [DB] of Guild Wars 2. Wherever they are, whatever they're doing today---I hope they're all happy and blessed. Thank you to those who helped me more than they'll ever know and thank you to ArenaNet for birthing a world where I could find such amazing friends during an awful part of my life.

And if you're curious about where I'm at today---I met a truly good man who has never once made me feel like I am less than wonderful and we have been married for nearly six years now. Oh, and despite being told that it was a good thing I was infertile because I'd make a terrible mom---turns out I'm not the one shooting blanks and my two littles think I'm the world's best mom.  Huzzah!

 

TL;DR: Thank you to my old guildmates and ANet for helping me survive an awful marriage.

[Holykitten.3064]

I almost teared up reading. That must have been awful to experience at such an age, you pulled through for yourself though and saw your worth as a human being. Your ex-husband didn't deserve you, and no one deserve to be treated like that.

[TheNecrosanct.4028]

Wow. That is a really powerful story. Thank you for sharing that with us. GW2 has been a saving grace for me as well, since I also went through a very dark period about a year after launch, but not to the extent you have. I'm happy that you're happy now with someone who truly loves you and with your kids. I've seen relationships where one half suddenly pulls a 180 and completely changes. I understand the desire to hold on, to try and make it work. I have similar ideas about relationships. You don't leave when it gets hard but you try to work it out, together. And it's natural to look to yourself to find out what's wrong and try to fix it. But marriage is a 2-way street. It doesn't and never will work if only one half puts in the work. Vows aren't meant to be broken, but you've taken vows together. If he breaks them left and right, that absolves you from holding on to yours. You're either both in it or neither of you are. There really is no middle ground in a relationship when it comes to this. It's either together or not at all. I had to learn this lesson too when I was young, though luckily not the hard way like you have.

I'm glad you're still here, enjoying the game with all of us. All the best to you and yours!

[Aaricia.9758]

@Haleydawn.3764 and @TheNecrosanct.4028:
Thank you for the kind responses, I really appreciate it as I was a little uneasy sharing something like this. Feeling vulnerable isn't something I enjoy, but for some reason I just couldn't shake the feeling that I needed to share my story.

[Ashen.2907]

Good for you pulling together the courage to get out of a horrible situation....and congratulation on the much better situation you are in now.

[Excursion.9752]

1 hour ago, Aaricia.9758 said:

turns out I'm not the one shooting blanks

Got a good belly laugh out of that line!

Help can come from the strangest places and I'm glad you were able to remove yourself from a seriously bad situation. 

Its odd what we all put up with day to day and justify as it being okay or normal. Until the time someone or something actually crosses the line you never really knew you had. I am grateful that everything is going well for you and I am saddened that you had to go through that for so long. Hopefully those who need your message, receive it well, and help them make those hard decisions that will change their situation for the better asap.

Thanks for sharing

[SeTect.5918]

When I read the title, I was like: oh no, not again such a clown.

 

I was wrong.

Glad you found a good man and everything turned out well. That Was a powerful story. 

May the future bring the best to you! 

[Ipomoea Jalapa.6897]

Thank you for sharing. You show not only a lot of courage, but also a great example of honestly describing someone's abusive behavior without demonizing him.

[ArchonWing.9480]

MMOs do have such great potential being a social platform. And this game does help a lot in the ways it is designed.

In any case, OP, I am glad that it provided you with hope, and people that actually care for you. That's all you really need; kitten that noise about anything else.

[Rubi Bayer.8493]

@Aaricia.9758, thank you for posting your story here. I'm sorry you went through so much, but happy to hear you are thriving now. 

And thank you for letting us be part of your story. There aren't good words to really express how much that means, but it's wonderful and humbling to hear. Thank you again. 

[IndigoSundown.5419]

Thank you for sharing.  It's unfortunate that there are people in the world who are capable of treating someone the way you were treated.  It's good to hear you broke free!

 

Going forward, please remember that in the midst of adversity, you found the strength to pull yourself through.  If times get tough again for any reason, remember that strength.  It will serve you well.

[Fozzie.5370]

4 hours ago, Aaricia.9758 said:

 

By August 25th, 2012, when Guild Wars 2 released, I was single and back home surrounded by my friends, family, and running through Tyria with my guildmates.

 

 @Aaricia.9758 that sentence was epic to read after what you had endured.  Ultimately you had the inner strength, resilience and resolve to get out of  the awful situation you were in, really must have been no easy feat I can't possibly imagine how difficult it felt with or without Gw2 friends. 

But I really like your story and appreciate your time in sharing it with the Community: For me it sums up in a nutshell what is often not spoken about that much; many of us just take for granted and that's Community Appreciation.  Everything especially, on forum tends to be very much directed at/towards/about Anet, but as players we are the ones playing alongside each other, against each other - and without each other Gw2 would not exist as it does: Imagine playing Gw2 as a solo-player offline game ?

Gw2 Community is the only reason I bought EoD. Period.  

Edited April 19, 2022 by Greg.7086

[Aedil.1296]

Thanks for sharing i really like to read about people's experiences and how guild wars helped them. They should create a forum section for these stories! 

[garpu.6210]

I'm so glad you're out of that situation.  It shows just how much of an impact a person can have with another, and that you never know who's behind the keyboard of the other toon.

[fenriswolfman.5486]

good on you friend

Edited April 20, 2022 by fenriswolfman.5486

[Zaxares.5419]

I don't really have much to add that others haven't already said, but thank you for sharing your story. It was wonderful and inspirational to read. :) I'm glad that you're in a much better place now, and I hope that you and your family (both organic and digital) will have many more great and exciting adventures in Tyria and elsewhere!

[Linken.6345]

A nice story but I dont like the clickbaity title =)

Edited April 20, 2022 by Linken.6345

[jinxykat.6519]

I went through almost the exact same situation some years ago. I won't ask why you didn't leave, i'll ask why he didn't treat you decently. Men like that are malignant narcissists but when we're young and desperate to please, we don't recognize that. I'm so glad you're now in a healthy, loving relationship! (Met my hubby in a game, not GW2, but i always felt they are an often unrecognized portal to hope and support that most people disregard) Best of luck and much happiness to you in the future! 

 

[nosleepdemon.1368]

One of my wife's friends is going through something similar - she broke up with him, but he is the father of her two children. He is a useless self loving mother's boy who can do nothing wrong according to his coddling Mum. Yet he has been cheating for years, before they even got married as it turns out. He is also the worst father I have ever seen. Truly a pathetic man, who can't even keep his own newborn from crying. 

 

I am glad you found someone better OP, and that you escaped your awful past relationship.

[Dante.1508]

I am glad you moved on but i really don't understand why women deal with nut jobs like that..

[Holykitten.3064]

12 minutes ago, Dante.1508 said:

I am glad you moved on but i really don't understand why women deal with nut jobs like that..

Because it doesn't start as toxic. It starts as a whirlwind of fantastically falling in love. Deeply in love.

Bad people lull good people into commitments, treat them well to start with, but then slowly chip away at their victims self esteem and self worth. It starts as small comments, ie about their victims appearance or fitness, then into bigger negative comments, ie about how they present themselves or act in public or with friends. Eventually it becomes a tumbling ball of negative comments from the abuser, to the person who is deeply in love with the person they think the abuser will turn into, always trying to "get better" or prove them wrong.

I suggest looking up things like narcissistic abuse, love-bombing and darvo. It really is horrific, and is exactly why domestic abuse now includes a whole host of other things beyond physical violence.

[Aaricia.9758]

I want to thank everyone in this thread who responded with kindness, compassion, and understanding. It's a rare thing to find such warmness in an online community---especially on a place as open to the public as an online forum. Thank you for being an amazing community and showing that online gaming is so much more than just "strangers playing make-believe" (someone else's words, not mine). You're all fabulous. <3

[DarcShriek.5829]

On 4/21/2022 at 4:26 AM, Dante.1508 said:

I am glad you moved on but i really don't understand why women deal with nut jobs like that..

It's not a woman thing, it's a person thing.  Men put up with nut jobs also.

[The Greyhawk.9107]

7 hours ago, DarcShriek.5829 said:

It's not a woman thing, it's a person thing.  Men put up with nut jobs also.

Indubitably, the recent revelations about Amber Heard and Jada Pinket Smith are examples of this.

[Dante.1508]

9 hours ago, DarcShriek.5829 said:

It's not a woman thing, it's a person thing.  Men put up with nut jobs also.

I guess so.

9 hours ago, Aaricia.9758 said:

I want to thank everyone in this thread who responded with kindness, compassion, and understanding. It's a rare thing to find such warmness in an online community---especially on a place as open to the public as an online forum. Thank you for being an amazing community and showing that online gaming is so much more than just "strangers playing make-believe" (someone else's words, not mine). You're all fabulous. ❤️

I hope now you can enjoy life again and be a much happier person. Have a great life Aaricia. Not all fellas are like him as well.

Edited April 23, 2022 by Dante.1508